Really! nobody in Bangladesh will ever understand the pain we go through, the people who are abroad, when we listen to these unbelievably true, brutal, stories. Faking the smile, trying to taste the food we just cooked, putting the dishes in the dish washer n just remembered that I forgot to take out the cloth from the washing machine & put it back to the dryer. Yes we do all that because we don't have a maid whome we could pay for her labour. we wake up from sleep almost every night with the night terror, because we were not sleeping just napping. Yes, we hardly do ever sleep in peace, because I miss my mom coming & checking on my katha, miss my dad reciting Quran in his room, miss the dinner time chat with all the sisters n brothers, arguing for nothing, fighting over the last bit of bhorta.
Have you ever thought that, we had to come abroad because our country could not provide with the enough opportunities. We were not strong enough to fight with the "Bhais'" or with my lower IQ friend whose uncle happened to be a big shot in my own land, so the 3rd child of a goat had to either just laugh at whatever they say or quit & get out of the country. Out of respect to ourselves we chose the later. Don't you think that our heart cries for our dearest one everyday & everynight. My husband was almost raised by one of his maternal uncle "Boro Mama". After not being able to see him for the last 5 years, he could not be by his bedside, when he passed away. Can you imagine the pain of this situation? After all the pain & suffering, we would have forgotten the day we had, just after listening to the voice of our dearests back home in the telephone. Now, you are stealing that too? In this situation, i don't know about others but I get a feeling of guilt for being here. Can't go back there, because at this age I will be either a burden to my family or will hardly be able to take care of myself.
I remember, there was time, when I used to wait for my parents to call me n talk to them. waiting for the phone to ring. Now, I almost get a panic attack to every ring at my telephone. Don't know, what news is waiting for me to hear.
Can't people be safe at their home country now? Dear Bangladesh, you did not let me stay in my own land & now you are stealing my sleep............I'm terrified & need a break, I beg my pardon for being a Bangladeshi, I beg my pardon that my parents loved you & gave birth to me at your lap, I ask for forgiveness, that I still have to write my nationality as Bangladeshi. I can promise you that my childrens will not be born on your lap, I will never feel guilty that I could not serve you, I also promise you that we all the good people will be out of your way so that the people you invited can be at peace and comfortably destroy you until you are lost in the bay of bengal,& we all will be called orphan. Atleast an orphan will survive better than a child raised by a stepmother, who forgot her good childs.
Peace out!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Winter in my childhood:
I am never fond of cold, but still all the things that happen in winter make me fall in love for this season. I still remember my first snow fall. My husband joined Johns Hopkins for his last semester in the year 2005. So we were staying in Baltimore, for that purpose. We very often cherrish the moments we spent in Baltimore. So, many things we saw for the first time when we were there. First snow, first foliages and how the colour changed every morning, getting from green to yellow to bright red. Nobody can beat that artisty..........that is our creator, some time I wonder how big he is, how powerfull is he?
Bangladesh never gets that cold even in the peak of winter. In childhood, winter meant a lot of fun things. Before the beginning of winter, all of our schools used to finish their final exams. Ammu used to do so manny fun stuff for us. You remember, I talked about our backyard that used to be overgrown by different bushes very often? Saluh had the job of cutting those bushes and making that space permeable for us, in the beginning of winter. You must be remembering the kathal chapa trees? Under those trees ammu used to make couple of 'matir chula', or clay oven. All my cousins were done with their exams by that time. So, everybody used to come to our place and one bright morning ammu organized the picnic. Picnic meant cooking outside, and also eating outside under open sky. I think once we cooked on the backyard & then took our food to the terrace to eat. I still remember the menu, shobji pulao, with fresh winter vegetables, dimer korma, chicken with peas, jhal beef & I guess kabab was there? or correct me here if anybody remember orelse.
Then was the time for gardenning. On the terrace two portins of terrace on two corners were covered by soils with brick border. One side was for flowers & one side for veggies. salu had a innovative way of ploughing the field. A broad flat wood piece was tied on both side & me or shammi used to sit on that wood piece while salu was pulling us with the rope forward & backward. it did work ver well, atleast so was proven by the growth of the plants. flower bed had, chinese gada, gada, cosmos, dahlia & we used to choose & select the plants under each of our name. We woke up early morning just to water the palnts. Veggie section had tomato, phul kopi, green chilli & something else I don't remember.
After our house fun stuff, now it was time to visit nanur basha. We used to do a lot of funstuff their too. Morning usually started with kut kut tournament, then nanu's khola & bhapa pitha made in a clay oven built upon a big korai, I donno if anybody remember that oven or it's just me paying attention to every detail? Then we had to stop our marathon kutkut game when it was time for nanu to put the washed cloth in the air to be dried. Sometime ankhi khala was joining our game, & she said i will just walk play, not hop because I am a big girl now & we were happy just because she joined us. we all had our special made charas, some wear for ekka dokka, some was good for buying houses or shall I say buying ekkas n dokkas.......well, you all know what I mean?
sabbu mamas bati shondesh, boro mamir golpo shona, masud rana used come alive infront of our eyes. She used to make the stories so inetresting that we had to eat till the last "grash". When it is the evening time, light outside was gone, now it was the time for inside adventures. Play writing, directing & acting..........ya, all by us. We were quiete a artists, you bet. Those were very interesting plays too. I can challenge they easily can beat the recent dhaliwood movies in story, acting & so on. We used to make up & dress accordingly too. Sometime mohi tried to stay in the room, but we objected so hard as our acting capabilities will be diminished. But, after all we had to have mercy on him, as he did not have any place to go & let him stya there. Now, recently he confessed that while he was laying there, acting as if he was reading a book, actually he was listening to our plays. Thats the reward you get for being mercyful?
When naur barir trip was over it was time to go to dadur bari. Waking up early in the morning. Gorom bhapa pitha soaked in rub, khola pithar pora pora gondho...........i still can smell it in the air. Now is the time to walk around the village with bitu bhaia & mithu & stealing, shoshas, mulas & tetuls from trees & having it in the fields with salt & red chilli powder mixed with tamarind. Nothing can compare to that taste. When the sun become hotter enough to make the pond water warm enough, now we had the permission to go to the pond to take shower. Lafa lafi jhapa jhapi...I wonder if our childs are ever gonna be able to have that kind of fun,May be their winter will be playing PC game in a snowy winter day with a chips & relish infront of them..........eating randomly.
My youngest sister was blaming me that day, the i din't write about her. But, you were not there, this is first ten year of my life. When you came, lot of things were changing, some for good, some I don't know what..but, you were the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. I am not acceessorizing, you were the perfect looking baby.............like a fairy. When you came, we had a new little doll to play with, only thing was it was live. I remember couple of things I used to do, I used to wake you up from sleep, when ammu was in the kitchen, but when ammu was watching we used make unnecessary sounds so that you wake up, I used to ask ammu to give you in my lap n sit still so that you do not wake up from sleep, when you were crying I took you on my legs & sing lulla buys. I collected my tiffin moneys & bought toys for you from shobjighar,,you know, those jhunjhuni & all those. I made a katha for you..........you brought us a lot of fun with your tiny little you.You still are a baby girl to us & so you will always be.
Bangladesh never gets that cold even in the peak of winter. In childhood, winter meant a lot of fun things. Before the beginning of winter, all of our schools used to finish their final exams. Ammu used to do so manny fun stuff for us. You remember, I talked about our backyard that used to be overgrown by different bushes very often? Saluh had the job of cutting those bushes and making that space permeable for us, in the beginning of winter. You must be remembering the kathal chapa trees? Under those trees ammu used to make couple of 'matir chula', or clay oven. All my cousins were done with their exams by that time. So, everybody used to come to our place and one bright morning ammu organized the picnic. Picnic meant cooking outside, and also eating outside under open sky. I think once we cooked on the backyard & then took our food to the terrace to eat. I still remember the menu, shobji pulao, with fresh winter vegetables, dimer korma, chicken with peas, jhal beef & I guess kabab was there? or correct me here if anybody remember orelse.
Then was the time for gardenning. On the terrace two portins of terrace on two corners were covered by soils with brick border. One side was for flowers & one side for veggies. salu had a innovative way of ploughing the field. A broad flat wood piece was tied on both side & me or shammi used to sit on that wood piece while salu was pulling us with the rope forward & backward. it did work ver well, atleast so was proven by the growth of the plants. flower bed had, chinese gada, gada, cosmos, dahlia & we used to choose & select the plants under each of our name. We woke up early morning just to water the palnts. Veggie section had tomato, phul kopi, green chilli & something else I don't remember.
After our house fun stuff, now it was time to visit nanur basha. We used to do a lot of funstuff their too. Morning usually started with kut kut tournament, then nanu's khola & bhapa pitha made in a clay oven built upon a big korai, I donno if anybody remember that oven or it's just me paying attention to every detail? Then we had to stop our marathon kutkut game when it was time for nanu to put the washed cloth in the air to be dried. Sometime ankhi khala was joining our game, & she said i will just walk play, not hop because I am a big girl now & we were happy just because she joined us. we all had our special made charas, some wear for ekka dokka, some was good for buying houses or shall I say buying ekkas n dokkas.......well, you all know what I mean?
sabbu mamas bati shondesh, boro mamir golpo shona, masud rana used come alive infront of our eyes. She used to make the stories so inetresting that we had to eat till the last "grash". When it is the evening time, light outside was gone, now it was the time for inside adventures. Play writing, directing & acting..........ya, all by us. We were quiete a artists, you bet. Those were very interesting plays too. I can challenge they easily can beat the recent dhaliwood movies in story, acting & so on. We used to make up & dress accordingly too. Sometime mohi tried to stay in the room, but we objected so hard as our acting capabilities will be diminished. But, after all we had to have mercy on him, as he did not have any place to go & let him stya there. Now, recently he confessed that while he was laying there, acting as if he was reading a book, actually he was listening to our plays. Thats the reward you get for being mercyful?
When naur barir trip was over it was time to go to dadur bari. Waking up early in the morning. Gorom bhapa pitha soaked in rub, khola pithar pora pora gondho...........i still can smell it in the air. Now is the time to walk around the village with bitu bhaia & mithu & stealing, shoshas, mulas & tetuls from trees & having it in the fields with salt & red chilli powder mixed with tamarind. Nothing can compare to that taste. When the sun become hotter enough to make the pond water warm enough, now we had the permission to go to the pond to take shower. Lafa lafi jhapa jhapi...I wonder if our childs are ever gonna be able to have that kind of fun,May be their winter will be playing PC game in a snowy winter day with a chips & relish infront of them..........eating randomly.
My youngest sister was blaming me that day, the i din't write about her. But, you were not there, this is first ten year of my life. When you came, lot of things were changing, some for good, some I don't know what..but, you were the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. I am not acceessorizing, you were the perfect looking baby.............like a fairy. When you came, we had a new little doll to play with, only thing was it was live. I remember couple of things I used to do, I used to wake you up from sleep, when ammu was in the kitchen, but when ammu was watching we used make unnecessary sounds so that you wake up, I used to ask ammu to give you in my lap n sit still so that you do not wake up from sleep, when you were crying I took you on my legs & sing lulla buys. I collected my tiffin moneys & bought toys for you from shobjighar,,you know, those jhunjhuni & all those. I made a katha for you..........you brought us a lot of fun with your tiny little you.You still are a baby girl to us & so you will always be.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
New Year.......new me.
My new year is going well. I had a lot of time to think about myself, where I wanna be, what I want out of this one life I have, taking care of me thing. I've changed my daily diet routine, I'm learning to workout every day, jogging.........a potato couch to 5K running plan. Things are going well right now..........hope to keep it that way.
Wanna touch back the basic, mean where I started my blog. Well, let's see........where did I finish, OK, I remember........... our Bungalow.
How about writing about my kindergarten. There was a kindergarten me n my apa used to go. Ananda kindergarten, a neighbourhood play school. I don't remember much but I remember Joki used to bring my shuji in the feeder, we used to drink n then go back to class in the tiffin period. I don't remember if same thing applied to my sis also. One day, I was on some medication n salu came to me to gimme the syrup. I donno why do i remember these silly stuff but I do, may be in a child's mind these little things has a very big impact. Do, any one of u ever thought how our memory works? I do think of these thing a lot, but never really thought of child's memory, that must be really different, right? Lot of Disney thing? I remember, I always used to think about my toys that they come alive at night or may be when we r not around. Did any one of u think that ever? When I saw the movie "Toy Story, I thought how can they steal my thought..........or may be all of our thinking r alike? I will like to know about all of ur childhood fantasy..........how about u all write one, n lets find out how we r different or if same, may be we r sisters?
I had a lot of mishap with my potty thing, I donno why I always use to feel ashamed to go to toilet in front of any new person. Wat's there to be ashamed of? Come on...........silly, every body does that, Aishwaria.........Tom cruise, even Barack Obama. why I was so silly!!!!!!!!!!!I had that mishap one day in kindergarten n was crying after that happening. I still remember teacher told me, it's ok n the bua will wash me, but i was crying so much that she sent me home with bua. I was so so so ashamed. Guys any one of u have this kind of silly happening, please do write. I know my little sis had a lot of them, if we start counting who had the worst stuff? me or her, decision is upon other two.............vote, vote ..........it's a human right. (please pick her!!!!!!!!!!!!please).
Let's not forget one thing, Abbu still makes fun of me.....on this thing. Come on Abbu, I'm a doctor now...............uuuuuuuu, remember? Good.
For long time Shammi was our little one, so when me n apa used to go to school, although she was under age she everyday used to cry to come with us, at last Ammu had to get the admission for her. Guess what, the enthusiasm ran away pretty soon, n now ammu had added work to do in the morning, to get her up n get ready. let me tell u one thing..........that was not a pretty or easy thing to do. And, here she goes.......stopped going to school, n every one was happy.
One fun thing about going to school was, buying the stationery before the school year. But I don't thing that started until we started sunflower school, that's a whole new era. Let's talk about it later. Guys......ny one remember ny other school thing? Please add.
As I look back, I feel like, I see a whole "me" kingdom, there r a lot of people in that world, but seems like they r just surrounding me, but everything is just about me. Do u people also feel the same? Or, it's me? Couple of silly thing i wanna mention, that I remember very often, like I used to read Ittefaq, as ewafaq...............come on guys, I was not introduced to juktakhkhar yet. It's totally reasonable. Another thing i find very silly was, i used to think every day how does the car get to the garage? Does it go through the long corridor? H...........O..............W S..I..........L..........L......Y, I hate my IQ. Who in the world can think like that, unless he or she is a moron. Am i being to hard on myself or u guys have thought something stupid like this? NOne? never?............well, how about something little bit close to this? please have mercy & share it here so that I don't feel that bad about me.
Hope to hear from all of u soon. Please write back.
Wanna touch back the basic, mean where I started my blog. Well, let's see........where did I finish, OK, I remember........... our Bungalow.
How about writing about my kindergarten. There was a kindergarten me n my apa used to go. Ananda kindergarten, a neighbourhood play school. I don't remember much but I remember Joki used to bring my shuji in the feeder, we used to drink n then go back to class in the tiffin period. I don't remember if same thing applied to my sis also. One day, I was on some medication n salu came to me to gimme the syrup. I donno why do i remember these silly stuff but I do, may be in a child's mind these little things has a very big impact. Do, any one of u ever thought how our memory works? I do think of these thing a lot, but never really thought of child's memory, that must be really different, right? Lot of Disney thing? I remember, I always used to think about my toys that they come alive at night or may be when we r not around. Did any one of u think that ever? When I saw the movie "Toy Story, I thought how can they steal my thought..........or may be all of our thinking r alike? I will like to know about all of ur childhood fantasy..........how about u all write one, n lets find out how we r different or if same, may be we r sisters?
I had a lot of mishap with my potty thing, I donno why I always use to feel ashamed to go to toilet in front of any new person. Wat's there to be ashamed of? Come on...........silly, every body does that, Aishwaria.........Tom cruise, even Barack Obama. why I was so silly!!!!!!!!!!!I had that mishap one day in kindergarten n was crying after that happening. I still remember teacher told me, it's ok n the bua will wash me, but i was crying so much that she sent me home with bua. I was so so so ashamed. Guys any one of u have this kind of silly happening, please do write. I know my little sis had a lot of them, if we start counting who had the worst stuff? me or her, decision is upon other two.............vote, vote ..........it's a human right. (please pick her!!!!!!!!!!!!please).
Let's not forget one thing, Abbu still makes fun of me.....on this thing. Come on Abbu, I'm a doctor now...............uuuuuuuu, remember? Good.
For long time Shammi was our little one, so when me n apa used to go to school, although she was under age she everyday used to cry to come with us, at last Ammu had to get the admission for her. Guess what, the enthusiasm ran away pretty soon, n now ammu had added work to do in the morning, to get her up n get ready. let me tell u one thing..........that was not a pretty or easy thing to do. And, here she goes.......stopped going to school, n every one was happy.
One fun thing about going to school was, buying the stationery before the school year. But I don't thing that started until we started sunflower school, that's a whole new era. Let's talk about it later. Guys......ny one remember ny other school thing? Please add.
As I look back, I feel like, I see a whole "me" kingdom, there r a lot of people in that world, but seems like they r just surrounding me, but everything is just about me. Do u people also feel the same? Or, it's me? Couple of silly thing i wanna mention, that I remember very often, like I used to read Ittefaq, as ewafaq...............come on guys, I was not introduced to juktakhkhar yet. It's totally reasonable. Another thing i find very silly was, i used to think every day how does the car get to the garage? Does it go through the long corridor? H...........O..............W S..I..........L..........L......Y, I hate my IQ. Who in the world can think like that, unless he or she is a moron. Am i being to hard on myself or u guys have thought something stupid like this? NOne? never?............well, how about something little bit close to this? please have mercy & share it here so that I don't feel that bad about me.
Hope to hear from all of u soon. Please write back.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Last day of 2008.............my last post of this year.
Just finished watching "Glory". A movie actually plotted upon 1863 background, showing the disparities against the colored people. I found, this was the perfect time to watch this movie after watching the scene where denzel washington very sarcastically answered upon a question, what do you do? He answered, I,m running for president. Everybody laughed & he even sarcastically added, " I won though". Watching this scene, I wondered though if they remembered shooting this moment, when Barack Obama was declared the president elect. I definitely can say that at that moment, i mean when the movie was shot, nobody ever would even have thought that, this is gonna be a reality some day. Or, may be they are very very & very brilliant actor.
After couple of minutes the year is going to be over. So, many thoughts are humming in my mind, but what should i write about? .................well, i give up...........so many things, which i can't finish writing in one post. One electrifying moment though I can mention, when Barack Obama was declared as president elect & the speech afterward. I think the movie Glory even carried more value to me because of that moment.
How I'm gonna say good bye to 2008, or welcome 2009? In fact, I had so many downs in 2008, ii can't wait to say good bye to 2008. But, can 2009 bring me all the things I want in life. Who knows, but can't wait to look forward to it.
Like many of you I have made a lot of resolutions for new year, the biggest of all, I want to love myself more than anything else. That myself include me, my family..........& have the good time rolling for my people, make my world filled with happiness with my family.
Wish all of you A Happy New Year.
After couple of minutes the year is going to be over. So, many thoughts are humming in my mind, but what should i write about? .................well, i give up...........so many things, which i can't finish writing in one post. One electrifying moment though I can mention, when Barack Obama was declared as president elect & the speech afterward. I think the movie Glory even carried more value to me because of that moment.
How I'm gonna say good bye to 2008, or welcome 2009? In fact, I had so many downs in 2008, ii can't wait to say good bye to 2008. But, can 2009 bring me all the things I want in life. Who knows, but can't wait to look forward to it.
Like many of you I have made a lot of resolutions for new year, the biggest of all, I want to love myself more than anything else. That myself include me, my family..........& have the good time rolling for my people, make my world filled with happiness with my family.
Wish all of you A Happy New Year.
Monday, December 29, 2008
is loosing weight that tough..................
I can't still belief I couldn't stick to my diet plan even for a day. It has been so many months I'm trying to loose weight, I've planned so many diet plan, with some of the plan I've been able to loose some weight previously, but now a days it seems harder & harder to follow any kind of plan? What's happening to me. for couple of days I'm trying to research my own self, why I'm coming so empty in my will power? Is it because so many things I've been through for last couple of years or is it because I've seen that life didn't work as I wanted it to work for me, although i did everything in my power to reach my goal, or, this is the way life is supposed to be?
Currently I'm almost 30 pounds overweight, to loose 2pounds per week, I am supposed to eat 1200 cal/day. I'm trying to incorporate organic & fiber in my diet, some metabolism boosting foods, grape fruit, an some natural diuretic everyday. I'm still trying to figure out the perfect harmony so that I don't feel like I'm kind of stressing myself for anything. I've to learn to do some vigorous physical activity everyday. So, with this fundamental plan in my mind, i had almost a perfect day, but............again I cheated. I had 4 chocolate dipped oreo cookies. Unnecessary 280 calories................i feel so awful now.
Here's what I had today:
Breakfast:
1) Raisin bran cereal- 1 serving-180 cal.
2) 1 Strawberry with cereal-4 cal.
Mid morning Snack:
1 cup of egg drop soup-76 cals.
Lunch:
egg salad sandwich-350 cals. I used multi grain bread with flax seed from whole food, so i managed to incorporate a very essential ingredient in my diet just by using the bread. I also used egg from whole food, which is cage free & omega 3 fatty acid rich. I also had some cucumber which is a very good food to loose weight.
Evening snacks:
4 oreo fudge cookies-280 ( here I got some unnecessary cals, which I could have avoided easily.
Dinner:
2 rotis-140 cals
1 cup of cauliflower cooked indian style-unknown cals.
half a cup of mixed dal(lentils)-unknown cals.
Because 2 of the dish have unknown cals i donno whether I made it or not............hopefully I did.
From tomorrow, i will try to be little tougher on my plan, don't know the cal count, don't eat it.
One big thing I'm gonna incorporate in my life style, Tennis, A good n fun filled way to do some daily calorie burning activity.
Hopefully I will be able to reach my goal this time, so, next Sunday is the may day, I'm 150 pounds now, i will let you know if i weigh 148 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently I'm almost 30 pounds overweight, to loose 2pounds per week, I am supposed to eat 1200 cal/day. I'm trying to incorporate organic & fiber in my diet, some metabolism boosting foods, grape fruit, an some natural diuretic everyday. I'm still trying to figure out the perfect harmony so that I don't feel like I'm kind of stressing myself for anything. I've to learn to do some vigorous physical activity everyday. So, with this fundamental plan in my mind, i had almost a perfect day, but............again I cheated. I had 4 chocolate dipped oreo cookies. Unnecessary 280 calories................i feel so awful now.
Here's what I had today:
Breakfast:
1) Raisin bran cereal- 1 serving-180 cal.
2) 1 Strawberry with cereal-4 cal.
Mid morning Snack:
1 cup of egg drop soup-76 cals.
Lunch:
egg salad sandwich-350 cals. I used multi grain bread with flax seed from whole food, so i managed to incorporate a very essential ingredient in my diet just by using the bread. I also used egg from whole food, which is cage free & omega 3 fatty acid rich. I also had some cucumber which is a very good food to loose weight.
Evening snacks:
4 oreo fudge cookies-280 ( here I got some unnecessary cals, which I could have avoided easily.
Dinner:
2 rotis-140 cals
1 cup of cauliflower cooked indian style-unknown cals.
half a cup of mixed dal(lentils)-unknown cals.
Because 2 of the dish have unknown cals i donno whether I made it or not............hopefully I did.
From tomorrow, i will try to be little tougher on my plan, don't know the cal count, don't eat it.
One big thing I'm gonna incorporate in my life style, Tennis, A good n fun filled way to do some daily calorie burning activity.
Hopefully I will be able to reach my goal this time, so, next Sunday is the may day, I'm 150 pounds now, i will let you know if i weigh 148 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A lazy Sunday...............................
Today is the first Sunday after Christmas. Can I call it a lazy day? Well, may be for so many people in the world, the amount of activity I had today, will be quite a lazy day. For me, if not very active; I definitely can call it, a sort of active day.
one thing I have noticed in last few years, not only people ages physically, but they do mentally too. I mean, all of us know that, but when you notice the change in yourself, it's quite a bit shocking, unexpected, unbelievable..........or, may be some time questionable too.
The reason I wanted to bring this up is, i always felt that, I have a very strong will power, I just had to wish it from core of my heart, I always made it possible, I always reached the goal that I set in my life. As I am getting older I think my will power is aging too. but, if it does so, with whom, my body or my soul, or do you think with the brain. It has been couple of years I am putting weight. For some period of time it was just the upper limit of normal range. I don't know, when I started falling in the overweight category. Good Lord I haven't made it to the obese range yet, but I can see the tombstone, it is very reachable. i am fighting for this weight for last couple of years, but hard enough? I would say last couple of months. Where is my will power? I can't find it any where. The perfect weight seems so unreachable. I feel so weak, so left alone without my will power. So, that is the activity I had, today. Have started walking in the morning. Drink plenty of water, eat a lot of fruits & vegetable & watch everything I eat. Today is the first day ...............I don't know if I can get my will power back? If I can reach my goal weight, I will say lost will power is not like aging, once gone, gone with the wind, you can get it back like the lost love. Then i would say, it belongs to the soul. If I can not get my will power back, can I say that it belongs to our physical self, once gone ..........gone for ever. Let's see.............!!!!!!!!!
one thing I have noticed in last few years, not only people ages physically, but they do mentally too. I mean, all of us know that, but when you notice the change in yourself, it's quite a bit shocking, unexpected, unbelievable..........or, may be some time questionable too.
The reason I wanted to bring this up is, i always felt that, I have a very strong will power, I just had to wish it from core of my heart, I always made it possible, I always reached the goal that I set in my life. As I am getting older I think my will power is aging too. but, if it does so, with whom, my body or my soul, or do you think with the brain. It has been couple of years I am putting weight. For some period of time it was just the upper limit of normal range. I don't know, when I started falling in the overweight category. Good Lord I haven't made it to the obese range yet, but I can see the tombstone, it is very reachable. i am fighting for this weight for last couple of years, but hard enough? I would say last couple of months. Where is my will power? I can't find it any where. The perfect weight seems so unreachable. I feel so weak, so left alone without my will power. So, that is the activity I had, today. Have started walking in the morning. Drink plenty of water, eat a lot of fruits & vegetable & watch everything I eat. Today is the first day ...............I don't know if I can get my will power back? If I can reach my goal weight, I will say lost will power is not like aging, once gone, gone with the wind, you can get it back like the lost love. Then i would say, it belongs to the soul. If I can not get my will power back, can I say that it belongs to our physical self, once gone ..........gone for ever. Let's see.............!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Intro....................I
This is the beginning of my Blogging, I don't know yet where to start. I'm thinking starting from the child hood, as early as I can remember. let's take a walk down the memory lane.....................
I think nobody has a perfect childhood, but I guess, I had a near perfect one. We had a beautiful house in the corner of the Dhanmondi road no 3. A beautiful big house; with a very big verandah.Now a days we even can't get a room that big in our houses. The floor of that verandah still amazes me. It was a black n white marbeling, looked like whole floor was carpeted. The green mosaic in other rooms, haven't seen any where else.
We had two big spaces perfect for gardening. The one in the back, very often used to be overgrown by diffrent trees. A kamini, kathal chapa, morich joba, fazli aam, kagoji lebu made the space rich. A wooden door was on that side, the gateway. I still remember the day Salu n Joki went up the tree to fetch the mango n some ones lungi fell off!!!!!!!!!!!!I can't remember whose, though.
Any way other side of the free space had another big mango tree, A brick wall separating "pasher basha" from ours. Mango of this tree was called gopal bhog, I guess. We also had a 'sheuli gach' on that side, that part used to be covered with so many "chengas". those little creatures made that side of the garden very scary to me. Waking up in the morning n collecting the sheulis, dropped beneath the tree over night ,was one of my favourite "things to do". Talking about things to do, I just realized how drastically this 'things to do list' changes, now a days my things to do list is full of householdworks, as I am taking a break from my professional life for a while. I felt, I was just riding on a roller coaster for couple of years. Taking this time off was a real necessity. I am sort of enjoying my housewife life, but.........., some where my own self is missing. I can only find my ownself in my professional life, meeting my patients, my daily clinic, arguing with the Dx n Ddx, making the right choice for my patients, those r my passions. Research is my another passion, I call it -my baby. Well,what should I call my cooking skill then? may be, a passion I enjoy doing when my life is full filled, or a escape when my life is empty, both way this is another thing I like to do n I do it very well.
Ok, let me turn my thread back to the past again.............we also had a beautiful chad, Terrace. Pasher bashar, golap jum gach, amader bashar aam gach, chatim gach n krishnochura gach made our terrace almost a botanical garden. After a shower in the morning or noon, ammu used to massage olive oil n send us to the terrace in the winter, never felt the comfort of that sunshine again in life. We used to play fighting with the krishnochura buds..........I'm not gonna explain the whole game, that was kind of silly. There was a tin shed above the stair case that was the place where I used to do all my home works. Sometime in the beginning of the winter season, Ammu used to put the red coloured lep (comforter) to make it warm n fresh under the sun, n I used to sit on those leps to do my homeworks. Still remember stealing the spiced mangoes that were kept under the sun to be dried.
Surprisingly enough, we had a 'koltola" too. Koltola just reminded me of shahida bua. Just pictured shaihida bua washing cloth................funny, very funny. There were some slits in the wall that separated this portion of our house from "Zakia Kutir". We could pass our fingers very easily n pick some white lily from their garden..........silly! There was a white Rongon on that side, which was always covered with white flowers & a mesmorizing smell always was there in the gentle breeze. Wan't there a very big Kochu gach on that side n a big jackfruit tree too, some one help me here.....it can't be that I'm just imagining a big kochu gach out of so many plants on earth. If I put my imagination into work, I will picture a chapa phul gach there. Will the smell be more enchanting then, who knows? I wish I had imaginary smellavision where i could painted my dhanmondi 3 no house once again in 4D, which includes the smell. I believe there was also a Jackfruit tree, full of caterpillars (chengas) in between the window of our room n the Garage.
One biggest fun I have missed mentioning is the Dolna, we use to hang over the mango tree.........so much fun. Those r the things made my child hood near perfect, along with so many other things.
I think, I'm still spinning within the 360 degree view of the place where I had my childhood, making memories,
please stay with me while I walk down the memory lane, I am sure their will be moments I will need you to hold my hands, lend a shoulder to cry, or sing with me the happy song. Will you?
I think nobody has a perfect childhood, but I guess, I had a near perfect one. We had a beautiful house in the corner of the Dhanmondi road no 3. A beautiful big house; with a very big verandah.Now a days we even can't get a room that big in our houses. The floor of that verandah still amazes me. It was a black n white marbeling, looked like whole floor was carpeted. The green mosaic in other rooms, haven't seen any where else.
We had two big spaces perfect for gardening. The one in the back, very often used to be overgrown by diffrent trees. A kamini, kathal chapa, morich joba, fazli aam, kagoji lebu made the space rich. A wooden door was on that side, the gateway. I still remember the day Salu n Joki went up the tree to fetch the mango n some ones lungi fell off!!!!!!!!!!!!I can't remember whose, though.
Any way other side of the free space had another big mango tree, A brick wall separating "pasher basha" from ours. Mango of this tree was called gopal bhog, I guess. We also had a 'sheuli gach' on that side, that part used to be covered with so many "chengas". those little creatures made that side of the garden very scary to me. Waking up in the morning n collecting the sheulis, dropped beneath the tree over night ,was one of my favourite "things to do". Talking about things to do, I just realized how drastically this 'things to do list' changes, now a days my things to do list is full of householdworks, as I am taking a break from my professional life for a while. I felt, I was just riding on a roller coaster for couple of years. Taking this time off was a real necessity. I am sort of enjoying my housewife life, but.........., some where my own self is missing. I can only find my ownself in my professional life, meeting my patients, my daily clinic, arguing with the Dx n Ddx, making the right choice for my patients, those r my passions. Research is my another passion, I call it -my baby. Well,what should I call my cooking skill then? may be, a passion I enjoy doing when my life is full filled, or a escape when my life is empty, both way this is another thing I like to do n I do it very well.
Ok, let me turn my thread back to the past again.............we also had a beautiful chad, Terrace. Pasher bashar, golap jum gach, amader bashar aam gach, chatim gach n krishnochura gach made our terrace almost a botanical garden. After a shower in the morning or noon, ammu used to massage olive oil n send us to the terrace in the winter, never felt the comfort of that sunshine again in life. We used to play fighting with the krishnochura buds..........I'm not gonna explain the whole game, that was kind of silly. There was a tin shed above the stair case that was the place where I used to do all my home works. Sometime in the beginning of the winter season, Ammu used to put the red coloured lep (comforter) to make it warm n fresh under the sun, n I used to sit on those leps to do my homeworks. Still remember stealing the spiced mangoes that were kept under the sun to be dried.
Surprisingly enough, we had a 'koltola" too. Koltola just reminded me of shahida bua. Just pictured shaihida bua washing cloth................funny, very funny. There were some slits in the wall that separated this portion of our house from "Zakia Kutir". We could pass our fingers very easily n pick some white lily from their garden..........silly! There was a white Rongon on that side, which was always covered with white flowers & a mesmorizing smell always was there in the gentle breeze. Wan't there a very big Kochu gach on that side n a big jackfruit tree too, some one help me here.....it can't be that I'm just imagining a big kochu gach out of so many plants on earth. If I put my imagination into work, I will picture a chapa phul gach there. Will the smell be more enchanting then, who knows? I wish I had imaginary smellavision where i could painted my dhanmondi 3 no house once again in 4D, which includes the smell. I believe there was also a Jackfruit tree, full of caterpillars (chengas) in between the window of our room n the Garage.
One biggest fun I have missed mentioning is the Dolna, we use to hang over the mango tree.........so much fun. Those r the things made my child hood near perfect, along with so many other things.
I think, I'm still spinning within the 360 degree view of the place where I had my childhood, making memories,
please stay with me while I walk down the memory lane, I am sure their will be moments I will need you to hold my hands, lend a shoulder to cry, or sing with me the happy song. Will you?
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